Barnes and Noble

I do currently work in a library. But, I do not work with the public. I did work with the public at Barnes and Noble, and when I did some funny things happened to me. I wrote out some of the funnier conversations at one point. I'm going to post some here. These are all real.


A phone call gone horribly wrong

“Hello, how can I help you?”
“Hi, how are you?” says a youngish sounding man.
“Um, I’m good, how are you?”
“Good, good.”
“Can I help you?”
“I have a weird question. I am somewhat embarrassed. Do you read the New York Times?”
“Not everyday but frequently enough, why?”
“Well, do you read the style section? That is my favorite section. I read it every day. It is all about fashion. They review books in that section as well. They are very different books from the book review though.”
“Okay.”
“Well, the other day they reviewed a book that sounded very interesting to me, I was wondering if you carried it.”
“What book is it?”
“I’m embarrassed to say. I am a regular customer and I didn’t want to come in and ask for this book because I did not want anyone there to think I am weird.”
“We will not think anything of it, sir.”
“I am a young, good looking 20-something year old guy and I like domineering women. This book seems like it would be good in getting a girl like the one I am looking for. But I don’t want anyone to think anything of it and then I can’t come back there, I come there a lot.”
“Sir, we do not judge the books customers read.” (at which the customers standing near the desk fall over laughing, hitting each other and tearing at the idea that I am talking a customer down.)
“I guess but still I feel weird saying.”
“If you just tell me the title and I can tell you if we have it or not then I can help you, no one else will know what it is.”
“Okay. It’s called, Down Boy, it just seemed really interesting and explained how a woman could control a man and that is what I want.”
“Okay, we do not have it but we could order it for you.”
“Oh, well I don’t want to order it. If I ordered it is there any way I could only deal with you, that you could call me when it came in and then no one else would have to see it.”
“Sorry, I can’t know when it’s coming in exactly to possibly say I’d be the only person to see it. But it looks like a pretty tame book no one who saw it would even know what it was for or about. You could order it under a fake name, or from one of our other branches.”
“No, I only want to deal with your store.”
“Well, I don’t know how to help you. You could order it online. But really sir, it’s not that big a deal. We sell that Kama Sutra; no one here would blink an eye at a relationship guide.”
“I’m sorry maybe I am naïve. I don’t know what that is.”
“The Kama Sutra? It’s a sex guide.”
“Oh.”
“So, yeah sir, I can order you the book or give you a different stores number to call but I need you to tell me what to do.”
“Well, I work in Manhattan, I guess I could order it to one of the stores there and they don’t know who I am.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
“Okay, yeah I think I’m going to do that. So, do you’d like to read something like that?”
“Um, I guess it sounds ok.”
“So if I order it would you want me to bring it in so you could look at it?”
“Um, no thanks, if I decide I want it I’ll order my own copy.”
“Oh, ok.”
“Sir, I’m sorry but we’re going to close soon, you should call one of the Manhattan stores if you want to order it.”
“Oh, ok goodbye.”
“Bye.”