wilco is so awesome

that sometimes they are hard to listen to...


I am Trying to Break Your Heart

I am an American aquarium drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you

Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning
Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke so please stop smiling
What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt

I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming
Take you from the inside, baby hold on tight
You were so right when you said I've been drinking
What was I thinking when we said good night

I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet, domino, bury me now
Take off your band-aid 'cause I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when we said hello

I always thought that if I held you tightly
You'd always love me like you did back then
Then I fell asleep in the city kept blinking
What was I thinking when I let you back in

I am trying to break your heart
I am trying to break your heart
But still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easy
I am trying to break your heart

Disposable Dixie cup drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I've been hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you

(Loves you)

I'm the man who loves you

why is it

that everyone I know seems to think it is better to be in a relationship, any relationship than to be single? I am not sure how this fits into my blog at all but I can't think of anything else to write right now.
It seems that the majority of people, probably mostly women, would prefer to be in a relationship, whether or not it's a miserable soul-sucking relationship, than be on their own.
But, what I don't understand is, it is quite possible to be perfectly happy while single, it is absolutely impossible to be happy while in a bad relationship.

I think all of my relationships have been bad...

cool

I assume this site can only post older, public domain stuff, but it's still kinda cool. And, they acknowledge that were librarians working for them it would be done better...


http://www.literature.org/

grrr

work is sucking today. it is way too early for this and it sucks. i have nothing remotely interesting to write because of how bad my mood is right now. can't deal. i am thinking of leaving that's how annoyed i am...but i won't because i never do.

I kinda liked this...

http://www.slate.com/id/2164806/fr/flyout

how a prisoner wrote a dictionary...

Dream

It's weird I never really remember my dreams but I write about them a lot. I write about this guy a lot as if he's in my dreams. He isn't ever really in my dreams. But, it does feel like my time with him was a dream, more like a nightmare.

Dream-

I had a dream about you the other night
It made you real again.
All this time away from you
but in my dreams,
there you are.

You dance on the edges
Between my consciousness
And what even I don’t know.

You were never there.
Not really.
But you stay here.

In the daylight I no longer feel broken,
I no longer feel like something is missing,
Like you’re missing,
But I can’t control my dreams.

Because, the other night I had a dream about you,
And it made you real again.

Lost Soul?

I wanted to sell him my soul.
But the funny thing is,
he didn’t really want it.

After that, I didn’t really want it either.
And then what was I to do
with an unwanted, unsellable
soul?

So I tried again. But this time
I wasn’t selling. I was giving.
And he liked taking better than buying.

I gave away my soul; didn’t think I needed it.
Maybe I was too hasty—he walked away
and kept what he didn’t even want.

The last of BN

Stares either at name tag or chest for what seems like a minute, “do you work here?”
“Nope, just love wearing my name on a rope around my neck.”

Whispering, “do you like sable?”
“Excuse me?”
“Do you like sable?”
“Like the fur?”
“Yes, you know coats and stoles.”
“Um. Not particularly, why?”
“Do you like my outfit? What do you like, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then we’re even.” Don’t ask me to explain this one. I’ve got nothing.


These were just a few of the weird conversations I had while there. One time when the police were in the store after a man flashed a child, (yeah, it was terrible, and it was in a pretty affluent neighborhood) they told us that there is just something about bookstores and libraries that attract the perverts and weirdos.

Great choice of a profession...

Even more Barnes and Noble nonsense

Re-reading this I am beginning to think my working with the public is not the best idea...

I might have been the hottest retail employee ever to work for close to minimum wage.
Staring at either name tag or chest, “can I help you?”
“Oh, what? No.”
“Sorry to have disturbed your ogling of my chest, please don’t let me interrupt.”

“Hi,” said the 50-something man over the magazine he was pretending to read.
“Hi, do you need help.”
“No, I’m ok. You look nice tonight.”
“Thanks.” Does anyone else get the implication that “nice tonight” means better than other nights as in I’ve been watching you? Could be me. Or it could be his slicked back, thinning child-molester hair style that just makes me uncomfortable.

“Speak of the devil.”
“Excuse me? Can I help you?” Notice that in almost any situation I ask if I can help them, it doesn’t work.
“I was looking for you,” as he comes out fully from behind a shelf, and he is being helped by a guy I work with.
“Joelle, do you know where California, earth science is?” asks my fellow employee.
“In California? We don’t have sections for other states here. What book are you looking for?”
“Well we don’t have the book he wanted but I want to show him the section.”
“And, I guess I should have done a better job in describing you, I said the cute one who helped me before.” I did not help him before.
“Ah, ok, thank you. The earth science section is over here.”
As an aside, my co-worker later informed me that the man had been asking about me and he thought I knew him. Ahh yes, cause most of my friends would have asked him, “Hey where’s that hot chick?”

More real conversations

Ah, behold the language barrier.

“I want this in a book,” asked in an almost unintelligible accent while holding a box set of language tapes.
“Whatever we have out is what is in the store, so if you didn’t see a book we don’t have it, I’m sure there are things we could order for you.”
“I want a book.”
“I can take you to the section and look to see what’s in but if you didn’t see it most likely it’s ‘cause it isn’t in right now.” We walk to the section.
“I want this, but a book.”
“Ma’am, this is all we have in. These are the books for that language; however there does not seem to be a companion book for that particular tape set.”
“No, I want a book. I saw a book.”
“I can look it up to try to order it. Can I see the box?” I take the box and read the cover, where it says very clearly that this particular tape set is only tapes—no books needed. I point this out and walked away.

A Jew and Jesus

“What religion are you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Well I overheard you say that since everyone claims they can’t work on Sunday because they go to church you are going to take off Fridays and Saturdays for religious reasons.”
“Oh. I’m Jewish.”
“Why didn’t you want to say that?”
“Well sometimes people have problems with it. And I’m not really here to talk about personal things.”
“Oh, well there’s nothing wrong with being Jewish.”
“I don’t think there is, just some people could and it’s easier not to talk about it here.”
“No, no that’s so wrong. G-d loves Jews. After everything he did for you guys. He really loves you.”
“Um, thank you,” and I walk rapidly away.
But, of course I couldn’t get off that easily.
“Excuse me.”
“Yes? Do you need help?”
“No, I was wondering earlier, you looked a little funny. Did I offend you?”
“Oh, no not at all, I just don’t like talking about personal things here. We aren’t really supposed to and it tends to be easier not to.”
“Oh. Well I just wanted to make sure I didn’t bother you. Sometimes I do and I don’t mean to. I’m going to be a preacher.”
“Really, good for you.”
“Yeah, and you should know that if you ever find yourself interested in Jesus Christ, you should let yourself explore that. I have a friend who became a Jew for Jesus and his family disowned him. But really there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Okay, thank you. I have to answer the phone. Excuse me.”

Barnes and Noble

I do currently work in a library. But, I do not work with the public. I did work with the public at Barnes and Noble, and when I did some funny things happened to me. I wrote out some of the funnier conversations at one point. I'm going to post some here. These are all real.


A phone call gone horribly wrong

“Hello, how can I help you?”
“Hi, how are you?” says a youngish sounding man.
“Um, I’m good, how are you?”
“Good, good.”
“Can I help you?”
“I have a weird question. I am somewhat embarrassed. Do you read the New York Times?”
“Not everyday but frequently enough, why?”
“Well, do you read the style section? That is my favorite section. I read it every day. It is all about fashion. They review books in that section as well. They are very different books from the book review though.”
“Okay.”
“Well, the other day they reviewed a book that sounded very interesting to me, I was wondering if you carried it.”
“What book is it?”
“I’m embarrassed to say. I am a regular customer and I didn’t want to come in and ask for this book because I did not want anyone there to think I am weird.”
“We will not think anything of it, sir.”
“I am a young, good looking 20-something year old guy and I like domineering women. This book seems like it would be good in getting a girl like the one I am looking for. But I don’t want anyone to think anything of it and then I can’t come back there, I come there a lot.”
“Sir, we do not judge the books customers read.” (at which the customers standing near the desk fall over laughing, hitting each other and tearing at the idea that I am talking a customer down.)
“I guess but still I feel weird saying.”
“If you just tell me the title and I can tell you if we have it or not then I can help you, no one else will know what it is.”
“Okay. It’s called, Down Boy, it just seemed really interesting and explained how a woman could control a man and that is what I want.”
“Okay, we do not have it but we could order it for you.”
“Oh, well I don’t want to order it. If I ordered it is there any way I could only deal with you, that you could call me when it came in and then no one else would have to see it.”
“Sorry, I can’t know when it’s coming in exactly to possibly say I’d be the only person to see it. But it looks like a pretty tame book no one who saw it would even know what it was for or about. You could order it under a fake name, or from one of our other branches.”
“No, I only want to deal with your store.”
“Well, I don’t know how to help you. You could order it online. But really sir, it’s not that big a deal. We sell that Kama Sutra; no one here would blink an eye at a relationship guide.”
“I’m sorry maybe I am naïve. I don’t know what that is.”
“The Kama Sutra? It’s a sex guide.”
“Oh.”
“So, yeah sir, I can order you the book or give you a different stores number to call but I need you to tell me what to do.”
“Well, I work in Manhattan, I guess I could order it to one of the stores there and they don’t know who I am.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
“Okay, yeah I think I’m going to do that. So, do you’d like to read something like that?”
“Um, I guess it sounds ok.”
“So if I order it would you want me to bring it in so you could look at it?”
“Um, no thanks, if I decide I want it I’ll order my own copy.”
“Oh, ok.”
“Sir, I’m sorry but we’re going to close soon, you should call one of the Manhattan stores if you want to order it.”
“Oh, ok goodbye.”
“Bye.”

Smoke...

I wrote this...I'm not sure how much I like it...but here it is-

Smoke makes me think of you,
it shouldn’t, you aren’t the first to.
And yet the smell in my hair
even now, (you weren’t there tonight),
reminds me of you.

I get you in the day,
(you’re never here at night).
But it never seems like enough
for me—maybe it’s too much for you.
This smoke never goes away.

In the dark, I seek out other smokers.
They exhale and I inhale you.
Their smoke clings to my clothes
and I can imagine it’s you breathing,
(but only if it’s in the light).

Funny

You Should Be a Romance Novelist

You see the world as it should be, and this goes double for all matters of the heart. You can find the romance in any situation, and you would make a talented romance story writer... And while you may be a traditional romantic, you're just as likely to be drawn to quirky or dark love stories. As long as it deals with infatuation, heartbreak, and soulmates - you could write it.

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

I love these things. They are ridiculous and yet so funny and so much fun to take...

Yay!

Your Vocabulary Score: A

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary! You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

still jetlagged

I cannot believe how tired I am. I have not been out of our time zone since I was in high school. And, I haven't been as far west as Las Vegas since I was an infant and my parents took me to California.
I learned to walk in California on that trip. I obviously don't remember it. I will definitely remember Las Vegas, especially because it made me remember why I am rarely friends with girls.
Still isn't improving and at this rate it doesn't seem like it will. I refuse to make up with the girl I'm not talking to. And, I can't see the other two making up either...

better mood

I was back at work today. That put me in a better mood. My friend's were disapointing this vacation, turning a trip into a boyfest and at our age I thought we were over that. Turns out we weren't. Also turns out that most of us are no longer friends. But just being home feels better than being there and perhaps some of us will get back on track and be friends again.

This is not literary...but it's hopeful. Besides, it is also original writing...

Back In NY

Jet Lagged.

Got home late due to rain.

scary, scary plane ride.

friends all fighting.

girls only vacation gone wrong

girls let boys ruin things.

why?